hvorfor elsker du meg?

“jeg elsker deg,” you say 

slip an arm around my waist

chip a piece from my heart

brush a hair from my face

i close my eyes 

in what you see as content 

but i cannot scream loud enough

inside of my own head

to make you go away

and like in the novels

my heart sinks and stops

my fingernails carve their half-moons

in their favourite spots 

igjen, igjen, 

jeg si jeg beklager

jeg elsker du ikke

men hvorfor? hvorfor?

hvorfor elsker du meg?

vær så snill, elsker meg aldri 

i vowed to never love

it seemed a fruitless feat

worlds can worship illusions

and they can make lies the truth

though fantasies bring them nothing

maybe all i knew of love

was its twisted, broken shadow

a shallow, hollow word

an excuse for any action

how do you throw words around

as if they are nothing?

they have blood on their blades,

and their smiles are false

for they hide glinting fangs

din lille jenta er død

hun er eldre nå

og hun er så veldig trist

hun gråter på natt

og du hører ikke

for du sover 

did you know you are the reason 

i still cry for myself?

you are my pain; you are my relief 

you are the most complicated part of me

please, please, leave me alone

don’t dare say you understand

because even i don’t know

what is happening to me

please don’t lie for me

why can’t i make myself love you?

i wish you cared enough

to stop caring about me

i am never going to get better, mor

og så her jeg er

gråter, gråter, på gulvet

det er så kaldt på gulvet

jeg beklager, jeg beklager

min hjertet er borte

kanskje den aldri var der 

believe me, mor

i hate making you cry

i wish i wasn’t like this –

i cannot tell light from dark

for i can only see the darkness

i am not who i used to be

when was the last time 

we saw each other smile?

all you see is the broken girl

whose sobs fill your head;

who screams so loud 

at things that aren’t there.

i am no longer kind or beautiful

not like you used to say i was

så med alle jeg er nå

hvorfor elsker du meg fortsatt?