1am Thoughts #4

I told myself that I would go to sleep early tonight because I have something on tomorrow (I have a social life. That's right. I'm surprised too) BUT HERE WE ARE. Anyway.

Wooaaaah dude... I just re-read this. My post from all the way back in January, "Dear Evan Hansen". I have some things to say:

1.  It was very obvious that I had only just actually paid attention to DEH that day. Or week, or something. I dunno. But I'm sorry.
2. And it was also very obvious that I hadn't paid attention to, like, many of the songs. You Will Be Found is great, is amazing, but, like, too optimistic for me. I am very pessimistic. FUN FACT: I only realised how pessimistic I am a few weeks ago, when my teacher-friend told me so.
3. That was an opportunity that I took to randomly start talking about stuff I'm passionate about. I see the link to DEH, but I am honestly kinda mad at past-me for just kinda dissing DEH.
4. Oh well. Sucks to be you, past-me. My favourite musical is now Dear Evan Hansen. In case you, the non-existent blog-readers who have had to roll your eyes as you scroll past my Treebros Fanfic posts, hadn't noticed. 
5. But but but (then it hit me with a flash, what if high school went away instead?-- *starts jamming to imaginary music*) the things I said, however indecipherable and out-of-context they were, were important. And I know that it might have been easier for me to understand because I was the one who wrote it, but I was kinda proud of myself.

I guess, I kinda want to spread the message I was giving. That Dear Evan Hansen is a really amazing musical with a fandom that I'm slightly concerned abou-- no. That people who are struggling mentally are valid but not alone, and that DEH is so amazing in its portrayal of that. And the cast of Dear Evan Hansen (pun intended) is so amazing and wholesome.

Society is stuffed up. Very stuffed up. We ignore important and unpreventable things for who-knows-what. And people who actually pay attention to those things are often seen as rebels or something. But they aren't, and yet I still feel as though equality is an "inappropriate" topic to discuss near my parents. That the mention of people who are mentally struggling, people who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, people who are impacted by our patriarchal society, will get me into trouble. Even though I am already all of those things. Complaining -- or even mentioning -- your own pain has been criticised so heavily that those who are suffering have learned to keep their mouths shut. 

Because society has influenced us all into ignorance. Then rewarded the ignorant ones.
Anyway. I just thought that, because nobody actually even had the link to my blog when I posted that Dear Evan Hansen post, I would try to draw attention to it by posting about it. And, also, writing it was fun. Even though all my friends don't read my blog anymore. Because the novelty of having a new blog to explore is wearing off. Even though it's written by a friend. I can't really blame them, though, because I have never really had a friend who is quite as bookish as me, and this blog, so far, is 55% book reviews. I think. Actually, I have had another book-obsessed friend. But a thousand barriers are between us now. I just want someone who cares...

Now it's actually finally 1am -- 1:10am to be more specific. I should probably go to sleep.

But am I going to? Probably not. Maybe, for once, tomorrow I won't be devastated when my friend wants to go to sleep before 4am.