Endgame

So I watched Avengers: Endgame. I finished it maybe an hour ago. I was gonna read, especially since my loan expires tomorrow or something. But I can't, with this in my head.

I started watching the MCU with my brother maybe a month or so ago? Actually, I watched Iron Man, Thor and Iron Man 2 in like 2019 or something. But yeah, I only started watching the MCU seriously and enjoying it a month or two ago. It was my best friend A who made me start wanting to watch them.

***IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED ENDGAME, I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU DON'T READ THIS POST BECAUSE YOU WILL PROBABLY GET A BUNCH OF SPOILERS AND ALSO JUST NOT UNDERSTAND IT***

I had already known that Tony died. And Steve (but I thought he would be killed in battle or something). I didn't know about Natasha. In that scene, I was convinced that Clint would die. I still don't think I've accepted that she's actually... gone. Ahh.

But I didn't cry in that scene. I might have come close to it, but I didn't.

The scene where Steve saw Peggy in her office -- you know, the one that didn't shatter my heart -- almost made me cry too. For some reason I formed an attachment to Peggy Carter, some of the reason for this was probably because her name is the same as my dog's.

Tony's death scene.

Tony's death scene.

I knew it was coming. I knew it was sad. I actually watched Far From Home pretty early, because A did too, which was probably a mistake but not really because I still already knew about Tony. Funnily enough, the opening thingy in Far From Home was how I found out about Steve.

But,

"Mr Stark?

Mr Stark, we won!"

At this point, I looked over at my brother and said, "are you crying yet?" and he said "yes." and we both burst into tears. I was still bracing myself for Steve though. I dunno how other people feel, but I like Steve better than Tony. Sorry Tony.

I was not, I was not, I was not ready for those last few minutes of the movie.

When Steve said "don't do anything stupid until I get back" to Bucky, I cried even more. I said, please please don't say that, because I knew it'd mean he wouldn't come back.

When Steve got back, as an old man, it wasn't what I was expecting. But I saw Bucky just... looking too painfully numb. I think that was a good way to present it, because it'd be out of character for him to break down and it would have ruined the mood. I think Bucky was just processing and coming to terms with what happened. I was just sobbing.

And then, oh gods, the end scene.

I heard the old jazz music playing. I was expecting to see Steve in a bed, all old and weak, and dying in his sleep.

But no, oh my gods, no, it was them dancing. I can't even think about this scene without crying. Yep, I'm crying as I type.

I didn't even realise until my brother told me, that this was that dance that Steve promised Peggy. Oh my gods. Ok, I'm going to watch it right now. That scene. And probably bawl and make heaps of noise and wake everyone up. Also the promise scene.

Ok I just watched the promise-don't-you-dare-be-late scene, and I cried a LOT. I linked it in case you need a good cry.

Now to watch the final scene.

Ok I did and I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Here it is though.

I also really loved the credits. Like oh my gosh. They were so... final and fancy and I just loved them.

And I think that not having a post-credit scene was a good idea. It added to the finality of it all. It felt like Steve/Captain America was being presented as the main character of the MCU, which I liked. And maybe he is. 

Oh my gosh. I never would have thought I would be a Marvel fan. But looks like I am. I wanna watch the entire MCU again, even though I haven't even finished it yet. I wanna hang up an Endgame poster on my wall. I didn't even realise how deep and complex the Marvel movies were until I was a fair way through the MCU -- maybe it even took me until Endgame.

The emotions are way too much right now. I have no chance of being able to read Heir of Fire tonight. Does anyone else ever just get so emotional that they feel like reality isn't real but at the same time is too real? No? Thought so.

I'm just so glad that I watched all the movies that should have been watched before Endgame. A didn't watch them all before Endgame, which I can totally understand. I know someone else who just watched Endgame at the cinema when it came out because she could. I honestly don't agree with that (sorry). I feel like watching something for the first time is when like there's surprises and stuff. But when you have no prior emotional connections to the characters or series, and when you watch something you don't understand, that limits the emotions felt a lot.

Anyway. I am gonna go. There is too much to think and write about. And probably read some stuff about Marvel. And watch some videos. And also probably come back to randomly talk. Anyway. Bye for now.

~later~

Yeah so basically I read only 1 chapter of Heir of Fire coz I'm tired and sad but now I'm watching things like tom holland spoiling marvel movies for 13 minutes straight and avengers cast roast each other because my brain capacity is full.