I started writing the poem (hvorfor elsker du meg?) maybe a couple months ago? I actually started writing it for school, and the original version was... even worse than the version I posted.
I think I was inspired to write in a combination of languages because I had just analysed Haiti by Arcade Fire (speaking of which, oh my goodness, WE) so I did that.
I know, it is not the best poem I have written. Honestly I think I only kept it because I was proud of how much I wrote in Norwegian. I hate it, but at the same time I don't. It's like that, being a writer, I guess.
I just wanted to write a post that gave some context/apologies about this poem. I would like to say that I'm proud of it, but it also needs a lot to be changed. I just... wanted to post it today.
So here are some dot points. I should be doing homework but clearly I'm not.
- So as I said, I spent quite a while writing this poem. Maybe most of that time was procrastinating, but still. I guess that half of the poem has a different vibe to the other half. The lack of consistency is one of my least favourite things about the poem. But now I think of the poem as something like one of those songs that really change halfway through. Some examples would be The Well and The Lighthouse and Black Wave/Bad Vibrations. Or maybe even Age of Anxiety I (hehehe I'm still crying over that album). So yeah, I guess I could have posted each half as separate poems, but at the same time I don't think I could have. Long story short, just pretend the mood change was on purpose.
- As you probably noticed, quite a bit of the poem is written in Not English. Luckily for me, I don't think that anyone who reads this blog can speak Norwegian. I say this because my education has come from Duolingo. I am probably going to come back to this poem in a few years and literally cry because my Norwegian writing is so incorrect. However, I am presently very proud of myself for writing something in a different language. Just don't ask me to pronounce anything written in the poem.
- Some of the stuff in the poem is pretty obviously personal. Which also means that it makes sense to me but not to other people. Here is a friendly reminder that I write for myself, not for other people. And that this blog is also for me, not other people. I don't know why one of the best ways for me to express my personal, private feelings is by posting them on the internet for anyone to find. But I'm wrong about a lot of things, so ok.
- This poem is kind of a mess. I do not try to write rhyming poems. I do try to write them so that they sound good, but I think I have failed. That's ok too, I guess.
- If you are one of the people who read this blog who actually know me, you might figure out who this poem is about. Actually, you most likely will. It’s pretty obvious. However, if you’re one of those people (or bots) in South Korea, the US or the concerning country of “Other” who visited my blog, you’re gonna have to live your whole life wondering “wtf is this”. Actually, if you know me personally you might also be wondering that.
- I guess this poem really is a reflection of how my feelings about the person it’s about can change, in such a short amount of time. I honestly think it’s a bit concerning. Whenever I feel more positive toward them, I hope that it’s gonna stay that way. But it doesn’t. I’m such a terrible person for it, I know. But I hope I’m not gonna end up hating them again. It was kinda funny, a couple nights ago I was curled up on the floor, panicking and stuff, because of something they said. But then I kinda was like, “oh, this would be a great opportunity to write some more poetry” and just got up and wrote. And surprisingly I realised that, even though I’d just had yet another anxiety attack (or whatever, I dunno what to call it) because of them, I had a positive perception of the person again. And that may have ruined the consistency of my poem’s mood, but I think that it was worth it. Because I don’t want to be so hateful. And especially at this specific point in time, if you know what I mean. Oh, gosh, I think I just overshared.
So yeah. A summary of this post is: don’t judge me. I tried. Have a great day. Now I must post the poem.
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